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In my mind, my kitchen is filled with crackers and cheese, roast chicken leftovers, fresh farm eggs, and coffee beans ready to grind.  The reality is that I keep my Smith & Wesson in the cookie jar, my Oreos in the microwave, a jar of peanut butter and hamster food in the over-the-counter cupboard, and I have beer and olives in the refrigerator.  I used to have a birthday cake in the freezer for emergencies, but I ate it.
-Janet Evanovich,  Fearless Fourteen