Highly recommended..................

 

Self-esteem is a huge factor to negotiation, and many people set modest goals to protect it.  It's easier to claim victory when you aim low.  That's why some negotiation experts say that many people who thing they have "win-win" goals really have a "wimp-win" mentality.  The "wimp-win" negotiator focuses on his or her bottom line, and they's where they end up. . . . Remember, never be so sure of what you want that you wouldn't take something better.

Figuring out what the other party is worried about sounds simple, but our basic human expectations about negotiation often gets in the way.  Most of us tend to assume that the needs of the other side conflict with our own.  We tend to limit our field of vision to our issues and problems, and forget that the other side has its own unique issues based on its own unique world view.  Great negotiators get past these blinders by being relentlessly curious about what is really motivating the other side.

If this book accomplishes only one thing, I hope it gets you over that fear of conflict and encouraged you to navigate it with empathy.  If you're going to be great at anything—a great negotiator, a great manager, a great husband, a great wife—you're going to have to do that.  You're going to have to ignore that little genie who's telling you to give up, to just get along—as well as the genie who's telling you to lash out and yell.

     You're going to have to embrace regular, thoughtful conflict as the basis of effective negotiation—and of life.  Please remember that our emphasis throughout the book is that the adversary is the situation and that the person you appear to be in conflict with is actually your partner.

     More than a little research has shown that genuine, honest conflict between people over their goals actually helps the problem-solving process in a collaborative way.  Skilled negotiators have a talent for using conflict to keep the negotiation going without stumbling into a personal battle. . . .

     And so I'm going to leave you with one request.  Whether it's in the office or around the family dinner table, don't avoid honest, clear conflict.  It will get you the best car price, the higher salary, and the largest donation.  It will also save your marriage, your friendship, and your family.