Chapter One............................

In the castle of Baron Thunder-ten-tronckh in Westphalia there lived a youth, endowed by Nature with the most gentle character.  His face was the expression of his soul.  His judgment was quite honest and he was extremely simple-minded; and this was the reason, I think, that he was named Candide.  Old servants in the house suspected that he was the son of the Baron's sister and a decent honest gentleman of the neighborhood, whom this young lady would never marry because he could only prove seventy-one quarterings and the rest of his genealogical tree was lost, owning to the injuries of time.  The Baron was one of the most powerful lords in Westphalia, for his castle possessed a door and windows.  His Great Hall was even decorated with a piece of tapestry.  The dogs in his stable-yards formed a pack of hounds when necessary; his grooms were his huntsmen;  the village curate was his Grand Almoner.  They all called him "My Lord," and laughed heartily at his stories.  The Baroness weighted about three hundred and fifty pounds, was therefore greatly respected, and did the honors of the house with a dignity which rendered her still more respectable.  Her daughter Cunegonde, aged seventeen, was rosy-cheeked, fresh, plump and tempting.  The Baron's son appeared in every respect worthy of his father.  The tutor Pangloss was the oracle of the house, and little Candide followed his lessons with all the candor of his age and character.  Pangloss taught metaphysico-theologo-cosmonigology.  He proved admirably that there is not effect without a cause and that in this best of all possible worlds, My Lord the Baron's castle was the best of castles and his wife the best of all possible Baronesses.  "'Tis demonstrated," said he, "that things cannot be otherwise; for, since everything is made for an end, everything is necessarily for the best end.  Observe that noses were made to wear spectacles; and so we have spectacles.  Legs were visibly instituted to be breeched, and we have breeches.  Stones were formed to be quarried and to build castles; and My Lord has a very noble castle;  the greatest Baron in the province should have the best house; and as pigs were made to be eaten, we eat pork all the year round;  consequently, those who have asserted that all is well talk nonsense;  they ought to have said that all is for the best."   Candide listened attentively and believe innocently; for he thought Mademoiselle Cunegonde extremely beautiful, although he was never bold enough to tell her so.  He decided that after the happiness of being born Baron of Thunder-ten-tronckh, the second degree of happiness was to be Mademoiselle Cunegonde; the third, to see her every day; and the fourth to listen to Doctor Pangloss, the greatest philosopher of the province and therefore of the whole world.  One day when Cunegonde was walking near the castle, in a little wood which was called The Park, she observed Doctor Pangloss in the bushes, giving a lesson in experimental physics to her mother's waiting-maid, a very pretty and docile brunette.  Mademoiselle Cunegonde had a great inclination for science and watched breathlessly the reiterated experiments she witnessed;  she observed clearly the Doctor's sufficient reason, the effects and the causes, and returned home very much excited, pensive, filled with the desire of learning, reflecting that she might be the sufficient reason of young Candide and that he might be hers.  On her way back to the castle  she met Candide and blushed;  Candide also blushed.   She bade him good-morning in a hesitating voice;  Candide replied without knowing what he was saying.  Next day, when they left the table after dinner, Cunegonde and Candide found themselves behind a screen;  Cunegonde dropped her handkerchief, Candide picked it up;  she innocently held his hand;  the young man innocently kissed the young lady's hand with remarkable vivacity, tenderness and grace;  their lips met, their eyes sparkled, their knees trembled, their hands wandered.  Baron Thunder-ten-tronckh passed near the screen, and observing this cause and effect, expelled Candide from the castle by kicking him in the backside frequently and hard.  Cunegonde swooned;  when she recovered her senses, the Baroness slapped her in the face; and all was in consternation in the noblest and most agreeable of all possible castles.

-Voltaire,   Candide