No, then yes.................

 

“No” is a complete sentence! It’s the first word we learn when we are children. Do you want a bite of tapioca pudding? No. Do you want to go to bed? No. Somewhere, later in life, we lose our capacity to say no, and we go around saying yes to everyone, and our mouths are writing checks that our body can’t cash. 

-Jared Dillian, from this substack essay

Un......No............

Work can be part of your financial independence. Like other aspects of your financial plan, you just need some rules in place to guide your actions so it doesn’t become all-consuming.

Here are some work rules I would institute in this situation:

• The no assholes rule. Only work with people you like and respect.
• The no stress rule. Don’t keep working if it stresses you out all the time. You’re not wealthy if your work causes constant worry and anxiety.
• The no rule. Financial independence should make it easier to say no to invitations, projects, and events you don’t want to do. When you’re younger sometimes you have to suck it up. That shouldn’t be the case when you’re working by choice.
• The no regrets rule. Don’t keep working if it makes you miss out on family stuff. No one ever says I wish I would have worked longer hours on their deathbed.

-Ben Carlson, from here

rejection........................

 As an extension of our positivity/consumer culture, many of us have been "indoctrinated" with the belief that we should try to be as inherently accepting and affirmative as possible.  This is a cornerstone of many of the so-called positive thinking books: open yourself up to opportunities, be accepting, say yes to everything and everyone, and so on.

     But we need to reject something.  Otherwise, we stand for nothing.  If nothing is better or more desirable than anything else, then, we are empty and our live is meaningless.  We are without values and therefore live our life without any purpose. . . .

     The act of choosing a value for yourself requires rejecting alternative values.  If I choose to make my marriage the most important part of my life, that means I'm (probably) choosing not to make cocaine-fueled hooker orgies an important part of my life.  If I'm choosing to judge myself based on my ability to have open and accepting friendships, that means I'm rejecting trashing my friends behind their backs.  These are healthy decisions, yet they require rejection at every turn.

      The point is this: we all must give a fuck about something, in order to value something.  And to value something, we must reject what is not that something.  To value X, we must reject non-X.

      That rejection is an inherent and necessary part of maintaining our values, and therefore our identity.  We are defined by what we choose to reject.

-Mark Manson, The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*uck: A Counterintuitive Approach To Living A Good Life

No...........................

     One of the hardest things to do in life is to say 'No."  To invitations, to requests, to obligations, to the stuff that everyone else is doing.  Even harder is saying no to certain time-consuming emotions: anger, excitement, distraction, obsession, lust.  None of these impulses feels like a big deal by itself, but run amok, they become a commitment like anything else.
     If you're not careful, these are precisely the impositions that will overwhelm and consume your life.  Do you ever wonder how you can get some of your time back, how you can feel less busy?  Start by learning the power of "No!" — as it "No, thank you." and "No, I'm not going to get caught up in that," and "No, I just can't right now."  It may hurt some feelings.  It may turn people off.  It may take some hard work.  But the more you say no to things that don't matter, the more you can say yes to the things that do.  This will let you live and enjoy your life — the life that you want.

-Ryan Holiday, from today's entry in The Daily Stoic