Another week we were reminiscing about how we'd started in vaudeville and had gone to Al Jolson to ask for a job. Jolie mistakenly thought Gracie was a ventriloquist and I was her dummy.
"But he's not a dummy," Gracie protested, "he's a real man. He's George Burns."
Jolson couldn't believe it. "Are you trying to tell me that he has blood and muscles, and that he walks and talks and makes love like other men?"
"No," Gracie explained, "I'm trying to tell you he's George Burns."
On another show she decided to help Mickey Rooney; she wanted to adopt him because she was certain he hadn't gotten a proper education. Mickey told her that he had received a degree in geometry and a degree in Latin.
"Oh, yeah?" Gracie challenged. "Say something in geometry."
Mickey thought about that for a second, then stated, "Okay, Pi R square."
"Ah ha!" Gracie exclaimed. "There's proof you haven't had a good education. Everybody knows pie are round!"
-George Burns, Gracie: A Love Story